Drunk n' Horny Taxi Drivers
by Richard Platypus
Summary: The exact dialouge from this one horny, drunk, taxi driver that I once had.


Now, I've had a lot of horny cabbies, and I wish I could tell you about each and every one of them, but I realized that that story is better when I tell it than when I write it. If you wanna see some others, go to www.angelfire.com/mo2/chiefbigbong/taxi.html . This is the one out of the many I picked because I know exactly what he said. You see, my watch can record things. And I decided to record the ride. And coincidentally, this was one of the most entertaining cabbies I've ever had. Now, I think the dude was drunk, cuz he sounded like it and occasionally he'd mutter incomprehensibly to himself. So when he did that I just wrote down the approximate sound he made. Anyway, me my dad and my brother were going on a ski vacation for three days. He saw our skis, and immediately broke out into an uninterrupted story...  
  
"Yeah, I love to travel. I went to Africa, instead of the Galapagos. It was amazing. We saw lions, cheetahs, rhinos, hippos, elephants, monkeys. Boy, those monkeys were rough. We had an elephant scare. This one elephant, we were watching him cuz he was having sex. Trying to make out... ublhgrm... yeah we sar him watching 'em. We knew he was horny... cuz he was drippin' urine n' tryin' to make out with her. Those monkeys were rough. He was drinkin' beers outside n' this monkey came by and said, the fuckin' monkey my friend's like fuck you and he had 5 beers and monkey stoled them! Picked em up and stoled the beers. My friend, he sar him and said "fuck you monkey" and tried to take the beers back so'n he could drink it and the monkey said "yeah right" and punched him! Right in the head... I mean, I got your beer it's good I don't wanna give it back, right! Them monkeys are smart! They's smarter n' you an me, ya know. Maybe not put together, but they's smart. My friend, he's like in a coma now or somethin' cuz them monkeys are strong too. Yep that monkey took his long arms and then WHAP! Haha you're darned tootin' he did yes sir. The elephant was really somethin', though, cuz he had an erection and his stuff was all over the place n'... ublhgrm... so he sar us watchin' and he was mad, you betcha, and he didn't charge us but he walked fast at us and I was sitting right where you are and got the best shot of my life. Vanessa was like "close the window Bob!" But I said he'll turn the car over ifn' he wish so that don't do no good and I took a picture and he had big tusks. Them elephants are 5 tons and all. The lions, I doubt they could take a cave beast in a fight. They're 2000 pounds and lions are only 600... but lions are faster n' smarter and they have teeth, but they sure couldn't take a kodiac bear, nosiree! Kodiacs, they're 9 feet. Cheetahs, they're 200 pounds like me but I wouldn't take em. Ah! This guy ain't a taxi driver! You see him? Drivin' slow he just let that car pass! Oh another! God I swear if he lets this car pass I'll smack 'em! Anyway you are hockey or basketball fan? I'm a die hard Knicks fan only been to hockey games once. The tickets are expensive though. 1500 for 1st rowers, ya know that? Umhm. Celtic games are bad, but playoff games are the best. Once when I went to a football game I got tickets. The guy asked me you want 30s 40s or 50s. I said don't care, long as I got seats. Then I went in and they guy said I got ripped off. The guy had busted into the office and stoled tickets. He was must've been makin' $2000 every week. Great seats. Did he let you in? I'm turning on the radio, hope it don't bother ya. I say we're going to the finals and losing this year. Patrick Ewing can't shoot from outside... The Old Jew On ya guy... he's much better n' him. And ya can't guard Shaq, just push him and then shoot. He has no confidence in Camby though, and he's our best rebounder. That was a great trade. Always playing Johnson instead. That's not right. Camby's just as good as Oakley and we have him for another 8 years. In the 90s the knicks have done better than the Yankees. Cuz hte Yankees suffered the the beginning and Pat Riley gave us 2 .700 seasons. 60 and 20. Boy those elephants at the zoo, when they urinate or take a dump it's like a shower. This is Delta right here. Get out. Bye."  



End file.
